Archive - January 18, 2019

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» My life didn’t turn out how I thought it would.

» My life didn’t turn out how I thought it would.

How many conversations have you had lately that started with a similar statement? I remember making a lot of plans when I was growing up. Dreaming up a life, a house, some make-believe kids. Some of those dreams panned out exactly as I had hoped they would. A gentle husband by my side, two cherished children from other nations and two carried in my very body. Every week I buy groceries, without counting the cost, and feed them their favorites. But some dreams just didn’t come true. Maybe I tried and failed and in some instances I didn’t even come close. Maybe a choice or decision took me further from my dreams than I had hoped it would.

Many influencers have spoken into this void, telling me, telling you, to chase those dreams down, wrangle them and make them happen. They tell us we are powerful and in control. I’m an advocate of taking steps to make things happen, but I can’t get on board with the idea that we can control everything that happens to us. Because we can’t.

I’ve seen the world, just like you have. It’s full of heartbreak, death, sickness, joy, success and surprises… both good and bad. Attempting to control life is a futile effort. We are one phone call away from disaster. It’s a hard reality. And one that fully exists in our broken world.

Our expectations and dreams in such a world can break us. And that’s what it really comes down to. Expectations and how we project those onto other people, our family and ourselves. How, then, can one adjust their dreams and expectations?

As a Christian, I have to take a hard look at myself when it comes to this question. What’s in my heart? What should and shouldn’t be there? Are my dreams a benefit to me, or others? Am I trying to control my surroundings? It’s sobering to make such examinations.

Proverbs 16:9 says “In their hearts humans plan their course, but the Lord establishes their steps.”

When I feel like I’m fighting the course of my life this verse is a reminder to look to the one who holds the plan. When I look at life and lament that it didn’t line up with my dreams, I’m reminded that it’s impossible for me to live any other life but this one. I’m not in control, and that’s a sweet freedom. Releasing expectations, loving others and obediently stepping forward is freedom. Embracing God’s plan and love for me… is freedom.

Life didn’t turn out how I thought it would… but I’m more confident every day that it’s actually much better.

All Content © Erica Ho, Goodbye Normal