As I walked down our stairway this evening I took the time to look at the pictures lining our walls. We have many pictures featuring each of our four children. I have even added pictures from the days before Lola and Liam were physically with us. Pictures from their orphanages. We are fortunate to have pictures from families that traveled before us and also from kind orphanage caregivers. It’s pretty amazing, Lola was 5 1/2 when she came home and we received pictures of her at 14 months, 3 years and some recent photos as well. That’s not very common. Lola’s three year old picture is hanging near Elliott’s three year old picture. This is where my eyes fell as I walked down the stairs. Two sets of chubby fingers, two little rounded faces… the markers of a three year old. Yet, Elliott was here with us. Elliott was with his family. Lola was not yet with us and would wait more than two more years to join us.
This hurts me in a very deep way. One that I cannot fully explain. And tonight, I sit here, my family intact, and all I can do is grieve.