Our middle child, Charlotte 3 yrs old, is the sweetest, most loving little lump of joy. Calvin and I are constantly looking at each other in awe of the adorable things she says and does. Right now she is the only girl in the family and that both delights and irritates her. She LOVES being a girl and therefore gets irritated when the boys don’t want to play dolls and dress up. She LOVES her brothers and is therefore delighted to chase after them all day.
Several months ago we asked Charlotte how she would feel about having a sister. Her reaction was, of course, delightful, excited, ecstatic. Fast forward several months. Our paper chase is over, documents headed to China and we will soon be matched with a little girl who waits. We plan to name her Lola.
Charlotte has named her doll Lola as well. This has caused a bit of confusion on many occasions, but the latest was very sad for all of us. My two oldest were with me at the table having tea and making t-shirts while our youngest was napping. Charlotte began to shoot out ideas, let’s make Lola-doll a dress with the sewing machine, let’s make her a t-shirt too… and on it went. Then she said, “and Mommy I want to make Lola a shirt with a birthday cupcake that has the number of her birthdays on it.” “Okay!” I said. “Should I go get her right now, so we can make sure it will fit?”
Charlotte looked up at me with bright, round eyes. “yes! yes! Go get her now!”
At that moment I realized that Charlotte went from talking about her doll to her sister without telling me. She thought I was going to head out the door that moment, get on a plane and fly to China. I quickly explained but it left us both feeling sad as we pondered the 2-5 year old girl in China who we already long for. We just aren’t complete without her.
Adoption has lots of sadness. Sadness for brokenness, sadness in waiting, sadness in separation, sadness in loss.
But Joy is coming.