I can’t count the number of times I’ve said “our referral is coming soon.” I can’t count the number of times I’ve said “it will be any day now!” As a result I’ve decided to stop saying things or hoping for any kind of time frame that sounds good to me. In fact I may avoid even allowing the word referral to come out of my mouth from this point on. Let me pause here and implore you not to leave me any encouraging comments, I’m really okay with being in this place. When we started this process it really looked like we would be home with our child in ten months. That was a year and a half ago. In January of this year we were looking forward to having him home in 2011. Now I’ll be elated if he makes it by 2012. That’s just the name of the game now. Ethiopia was once a fast-moving program. Unfortunately there were agencies and people who took advantage of Ethiopia and used unethical practices. As a result, Ethiopia had to slow things down drastically in order to review cases. Have they slowed down too much? Are they slowing down to the detriment of waiting children? Maybe. But I’m not in their shoes, and I can’t really say at this point. I do know this. People must do their research when choosing an agency. Don’t choose an agency because of their quick time line or snappy customer service. Choose an agency that has a great reputation for ethics and gives back to the community they facilitate adoptions from. We made a decision almost two years ago to leave an agency that had questionable ethics. I guarantee you we would have a child in our arms right now had we stayed with that agency, and I would have spent the rest of my life questioning whether or not he came to us for the right reasons. Yes, the process has been LONG but I can rest at night knowing that things are being done right. Now… back to me being bitter in this process. Yes, bitter. It’s a hard season for us right now. We are a family of 5 but there are only 4 bodies in the house right now. It’s like we are missing a limb. He is part of our conversations daily, the kids ask when he is coming home… I ask when he is coming home. And there are no answers.
Lately, as I’ve talked to friends who have their children successfully home, they tell me that they wrote massive “I’m at wits end” blog posts and POOF, they got the call. Well, that’s not going to happen for me but I’m glad it did for them. I may have a bad case of adoption envy, I don’t know. I do know that I’m okay. I’m playing, working, getting things done. But I’m also not okay. As I said, we are missing a limb on our family tree. That’s a hard place to be. God is hanging in there with me. Reminding me that I’m residing in His strength. Without that strength this post would probably have to be censored.
That was supposed to make you laugh a little at the end of my bitter resolutions. But it’s the truth, without God in my life this process would cause me to cuss.