If you will allow me a moment to be vulnerable I’d like to share a bit of my story. I’m a classic, type-A firstborn. I’m a three on the Enneagram and it’s sometimes embarrassing to read my Myers-Briggs results out loud. Growing up I could learn anything I needed from a book, I could self-teach, research and therefore ignore my teachers. I was prideful. And although I knew and loved Jesus, I did not see the need to eradicate pride because honestly my ability to accomplish things through my own power was hailed as a great thing. But those around me couldn’t see my heart and how pride was wrecking it in quiet ways. It wasn’t until later in college, when I hit my knees in total dependance on the Lord, that I realized how hurt I really was by allowing the not so great parts of my personality to lead the way. Compassion is also extremely present in my make-up and thankfully, through daily and unrelenting sanctification, compassion became the flag I loved to wave.
Today, I still struggle to keep pride at bay. (remember daily and constant sanctification) Just yesterday evening Calvin and I attended Bible study with other parents in our community. I went to drop off one of our children and came back to learn that Calvin had chosen a parenting Bible study to attend. Internally I rolled my eyes, because I know everything about parenting… of course. I have studied trauma, and children and TBRI and ALL THE THINGS. I walked into the room and spied several faces I am growing to love and immediately God spoke to my heart, knocking me down a few notches, reminding me that every person in the room was also an expert parent but chose to take time to worship, intentionally share with others and look to God’s word to become even better in this category. I was unusually quiet as I listened and waited and watched for whatever I needed to glean during the evening. And it finally came. I needed to hear that exhaustion is always part of parenting. The mornings have been hard for one of our littles lately and I’ve come to dread that part of the day. I’ve looked for ways to get through it as quickly as possible and ignore the nonstop protests from this particular child. I was coping in my own strength and venting to Calvin later.
But this morning, because I was listening last night, I was reminded to take the time, even in the midst of exhaustion and look for the connection point. Liam slipped into our bed around 5am this morning and woke up for good around 6:30am. He immediately let me know that he didn’t want to go to school and wondered how many days were left until Spring Break. His attitude soured as I reminded him how many days remained. My mind immediately went to the song It’s hard to Wait from the Rain for Roots album. I pulled up the song and pulled him close and he began to sing it with me. After our time of togetherness and even worship we printed a calendar and talked about the days God gives us. I asked the kids… will there ever be another March 22, 2018? After thinking, they responded that no, there would not be. This gave us a moment to reflect on each day as a gift. A gift that allows us to either love each and honor God or choose to be prideful, impatient and angry. I watched as their eyes opened to this concept; no day is to be wasted.
This morning, a ten-minute detour changed the trajectory of our entire day. I’m so thankful that God broke through the barriers of my pride years ago. I’m so thankful that I can walk with other parents who are all looking up as we parent. We cannot look down to guide our children without first looking up to learn from our Father.
When pride comes, then comes disgrace,
but with humility comes wisdom.