My sweet Liam has been plagued by double ear infections. We have records of ear infections before he came home and he continued to have them after homecoming as well. We have done everything, all the natural stuff, all the med stuff… all of it. We were out of options and I knew the best thing for him would be tubes. In fact, when the surgeon came out to speak to me, he confirmed what I already knew. He commented that many of the children he sees could perhaps do without tubes, but Liam needed them badly. He just wasn’t going to be well without them. The surgeon went on to explain what Liam’s little ears looked like inside. It’s really nice to feel reassured that you’ve made the right decision for your wee one.
Rewind to this morning. Liam is a bear in the morning. Until he has breakfast that is. He just has to have it, and right now!! I was not looking forward to the no food after midnight rule for him. However, this morning went very smoothly. We got him up at 6:45, changed him and put him right into a warm, waiting car and away we went. He even sang to himself on the way to the office! No food. Still happy. This was a miracle. The miracle continued as he remained happy and loving as we cuddled in the waiting room. They called us back, I signed forms and the nurse was ready to take him. Um. what??? Take him!?? Not ready for this. I’m still, even a year later, not okay with a stranger taking my son from my arms and walking away. So I looked at her weirdly and just paused, feeling really apprehensive about the whole thing. I was not okay with this. She prompted me again, telling me it wouldn’t be long until I saw him again. I reluctantly placed Liam in her hands and watched as he was carried back. He looked at me, and did a little wave, and then started to not look so happy. At that point I was quickly ushered into the waiting room where I proceeded to bite off all of my nails.
Seeing him carried away still makes me a little sick as I sit here typing away. Fortunately, about 20 minutes later they allowed me to go back and join him in recovery. The nurse was holding him and he wasn’t crying, just really out of it and kinda woozy looking. But the second I opened the door he popped his little head up and moved his wobbly little arm in my direction… “ma ma!” his little drunk sounding voice… “ma ma!” Melt me to pieces, I tore him out of that nurses arms and we rocked and cuddled until he was more awake. But man, we got some serious mama/Liam time there in that recovery room.
All is well. We are home. But there was something very special spoken into my heart when my son said my name today. Just really special, something only the heart of an adoptive mom can truly understand. He is mine and I am his, and it was overwhelmingly evident that today he knew that without a doubt.