Oh the Wait… the wait

I thought I knew what it meant to wait. I did. In fact, looking back now the wait for a referral was harder than the wait between referral and court. For almost two years I held onto something I couldn’t see. There wasn’t a face to keep me going. Then we had a face and for those five weeks between referral and our court trip I was elated as I showed him off and imagined the magical day I would hold my gorgeous little boy. Yeah. Those five weeks were a piece of cake.

I’ve already mentioned this, but seriously, this child was meant for us. It’s so undeniably clear. He is my son. And now he is far away. Right now he’s not feeling very good. The wait is not hard… it’s draining, it’s painful, it sucks. There are nights when I fall asleep praying that God will give us just one more miracle and obliterate this embassy process. (Like move it really fast, not actually obliterate anything.) But alas, we do not know the thoughts of God, or what he is teaching us. Oh man. What a weird spot to be in with God. To wonder if this is happening for my refinement in some way? Yeah. Wouldn’t chose it. But thank you God for thinking I can handle it. And also thank you for not letting me become a total mess. I like talking to you a lot. Perhaps you are the only one who really gets it?

Hmmm.. okay. Now that you’ve been privy to some odd dialogue between me and God, I’ll give you the only update we have. We passed court just over two weeks ago. We are waiting to be submitted to Embassy. They can only submit us on Mondays. So I’ll be lifting up some requests between now and Monday. Join me if you feel led. Love you guys. Thanks for walking with us.