April marked 6 months of me in my new role, stay at home mom. Weird phrase right? Homemaker? Maybe that’s better. I’m not really sure. But I DO know, I don’t actually stay at home all day.
I remember the out-of-home working experience well. I miss it at times. I also remember thinking how awesome it would be to spend a few rainy days on the couch snuggling with kiddos. Another thing I don’t actually find myself doing. I do find that somehow the house is messier and I’m really bad with keeping the dishes washed. I’m not so great with that aspect of homemaking. In addition to caring for these kids of mine I’m also doing lots of randomness to make up for lost income. It’s a fun challenge for me. I love seeing what kinds of projects I can come up with or how creative I can be with our finances. Selling random stuff on Ebay has become a strange addiction.
The finance thing? I was so nervous about that. Like panic attack nervous. I would look at the monthly stuff and think, nope there is no way. We are a debt free family apart from home mortgage and adoption debt we incurred during our very fast paced China adoption. Fortunately that adoption debt is interest free. But yes, it was still panic inducing to step away from my income.
But here we are 6 months in. We don’t really eat out, we shop consignment, we have netflix and homemade popcorn for date nights… but we are good. We are better in many ways. We aren’t suffering or watching our bank account plummet into nothingness. (which, silly me, thought would happen instantly) We are being smart and caring for our family in a more hands on way than ever before.
Here’s the stupid thing. I was So worried about all of the above when I claim not to be a materialistic person. And I’m not, I wasn’t. It wasn’t the loss of access to excess that scared me, it was the feeling of instability. The feeling of having the choice for excess taken away. Control. That’s the bottom line. I was afraid of losing control.
Once I surrendered to what was clearly God’s plan for our family, and transferred control to its rightful place I found my peace.
Man, peace is good.
Will i do the stay at home gig forever? Probably not. But this is my season and we are about to embark on the best Summer ever.